The not so serious side of Election Day

Ladies and gentlemen... In honor of all those bloody "I voted" statuses, tweets, instagrams and of course stickers...

I give you my very first, "I voted" photo shoot.

No matter what tonight holds, I have Peace.
My friend Jaime sent me a text this morning that pretty much says it perfectly,

"Happy voting day love! Don't stress, be happy, because Jesus knows the ultimate plan for us!"

Single Girl Swag: COMPARE

via

So many times I find myself playing COMPARE. You know what game that is, right? Sure you do. The one where you look at everyone/everything around you and begin measure your strengthens versus theirs, your flaws versus theirs, how much money they have, your body, your hair, your clothes, your intelligence, your good deeds, your work ethic, your efforts, or maybe even, your blogging... GASP.

I hate when I find that I'm comparing myself to my friends or others around me. Actually, I feel like this is a trait most women possess.. Which is so heartbreaking.We are all so wonderful in our own ways, yet the enemy does whatever he can to make us feel as little as possible; which in turn leads to such ugly, sinful emotions like greed and jealousy.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.-- Psalm 139:13-15

This past weekend, I was out with friends and as I was sitting next to one of the girls that was with me, a boy comes up to her and openly gushes on and on about insanely gorgeous she is. No lie, homeboy straight up walks up to us and starts telling my friend how absolutely stunning and beautiful and perfect and breathtaking she is. As I'm sitting elbow to elbow with her, I immediately become extremely uncomfortable. I truly don't care to hear how model-esque my friend is, especially as I spent a good 1.5 hours getting ready tonight and wore my ballin' red pumps...

The more I reflect on it though, the more I'm just so frustrated with the whole thing. Not because the stranger didn't find me gorgeous, but because I do not want to be that kind of a person! A jealous person, an envious person, a self-pity person. It's so ridiculous!

Why can't I be happy for my friend? Why can't I appreciate one of God's creations and know that I am just as equally loved and appreciated by our Heavenly Father? Why can't I realize that I will be that stunning to my future husband one day? Why do I care what complete strangers think of me?!

I've realized the only way I can overcome this terrible habit of comparing, is by diving into the Word and prayer. Unfortunately, I'm flesh and born into sin; we all are. And I'm female so I'm convinced I will always possess a comparing gene somewhere in my DNA. No, not an excuse but also something that is real and that I will have to work to control every single day.  However, it doesn't have to control me. It doesn't have to overrule my heart and my thoughts to the point of pain and suffering like it did on Saturday night.

Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
    The woman to be admired and praised    is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. Proverbs 31: 30

So I encourage anyone that ever struggles with this like I do, to take deep breaths and say a little prayer to the good Lord above and ask that you can see yourself through His eyes; because that is true beauty and the absolute definition of love and admiration.

This is a story of a car.

From the time I turned 16 until after I graduated college I drove the same car. A 1996 Honda Accord with no power windows or locks. I thought I was deprived because I had to reach and open the door for my passengers. #firstworldproblems

After I had a real paycheck I decided it was time to get a new [to me] car. It was the winter after I graduated college. My dad and I test drove and searched for the perfect car. I kept saying I wanted a SUV. I wanted a change. Go big or go home. We randomly found a 2006 Volvo SUV at our local dealer that was in my price range and had low mileage. We impulsively went for it, and my car payments began. 

I never really knew why we went with that car. It wasn't perfect. It didn't speak to me. And I didn't technically "need" a new car, I just wanted one and thought having a big kid job meant it was time. 

Honestly, it wasn't until our last move (Denver to Philadelphia) that I realized what it was all about. God knew long before I did why I purchased that one. Because my husband and I pack our cars full of what we need and drive across the country every three months. I joke about not wanting to sacrifice my wardrobe, and I don't have to.

My point is to this random story is that He has it all figured out, even something as silly as buying a car. So why do we try and figure it all out on our own even though we know that He is going to take care of us and has a reason for it all. He promises to, and He keeps His promises.

photo taken on the back of Marcy (that's her car name) while we were dating summer 2009.

The Physicality of Love

I wrote this post and submitted it to another website in response to a reader's question:

 

"Will I be attracted to the guy I marry? I know I'll love his personality, and that he'll be right for me, but I hope I'll be attracted to him physically."

 

Although it wasn't chosen for the other site, I poured a little bit of my heart into it, and didn't want it to go unseen!  Thanks for reading :)

Attraction can be an unpredictable thing.  It comes from a primal, animalistic instinct within us, over which we have no control.  When we spot another human being we’re physically attracted to, we know it (and feel it) immediately.  In fact, we know it so immediately that sometimes it clouds our judgment, and the authority that comes with being good-looking allows someone admittance into parts of ourselves - most damagingly, our hearts - because we have been too distracted by outer appearances to examine what lies underneath.  The same concept also works in reverse; if that initial, immediate attraction is missing, we often wrongly assume it always will be.

So when it comes to the guy you’re going to marry...will that type of attraction be there?  In addition to his heart, his mind, and his soul that you adore, will you also find him simply irresistible?

If we’re talking purely about physical appearance here - his eye, hair, and skin color, his build, his height, his style - the truthful answer is:  No, I don’t think you can guarantee or even expect that you’ll be initially attracted to him, by appearance only.  While there is definitely the possibility that the first time you ever see him, you’ll swoon and immediately start imagining what it will be like to kiss him, there’s also the chance that you won’t.  And that would be okay.

Physical attraction is a subjective and wavering thing.  People age, gain weight, change their haircuts, adopt new clothing styles.  While I certainly don’t seek to downplay the importance of loving to look at the man you are with, you should also be careful not to put too much stock in something so fleeting (Proverbs 31:30 comes to mind).  Someone you are extremely attracted to at age 20 may dramatically change weight and start to lose his hair by age 30.  But, if that man is your husband, your beloved, does that mean you will no longer find yourself aroused by his presence?  No.  In fact, it will be the complete opposite.

The first time I met the man who became my husband, he was an awkward 20-year-old college boy (to be fair, I was pretty awkward myself).  He had brown spiky hair, braces, and was wearing a pink polo shirt.  Since at that time I was still displaying a poster of Nick Carter on my wall as my ideal man, I wasn’t initially bowled over by my future husband’s looks - he simply wasn't my "type" (by the way, have you ever noticed how the majority of the time, the one who is your "type" is not the one you end up with?).  But one night, as we sat on a friend’s porch talking until 3 AM, I lost my breath at the way he leaned back on his elbows, how his eyes gazed off into the dark, and the fire I felt when his leg once accidentally touched mine.  Here we are, seven years later, and now I can't imagine a more handsome man on the planet, but I have been so far gone on him since that fateful night due to so much more than mere appearances.

Your attraction to your future husband will be based on a million other (still very physical) things besides, and in addition to, appearance:  The roguish cowlicks in his hair that you get to help tame.  The way you lock eyes over a shared inside joke across a room.  The stories that go with each scar on his legs, and the way he tells those stories, in a voice reserved only for you.  Every time you feel the strength in his hand as he leads you through a crowd, you'll want to ravish him right then and there.   Yeah, you’ll be attracted to him.

Appearances aside, it’s this physicality of love that you’ll be attracted to.  As you get to know someone more intimately, you will find yourself yearning more and more for those touches, those looks, those smiles, and it will matter less and less if his eyes are blue or brown, or if he’s taller than six feet, like you had imagined he would be.  The way your fingers intertwine with his when you hold hands, how your head fits into the crook of his neck, the feeling of protection that surrounds you when his arm is over your shoulders - you’ll think of nothing else.

This is the kind of attraction that will last throughout 20, 40, or 60 years of marriage, and won’t ever fade away (or so my grandparents have shown me).  That animalistic, instinctual attraction?  That’s simply lust, and it’s of this earth.  Trust that in your future husband, God will fulfill all the yearnings of your heart.  He will provide you with a man who you believe in wholeheartedly, love unabashedly, and desire with your whole self.  And it will be more than you ever imagined it could be.

*one of our engagement photos, by John Lew Photography

Humbled

For those that don't know by now, I have a four legged best friend named Jackson and he is kind of my world. He's literally perfect. See.

Told you, perfect.

So, last night as my roommate and I were taking our dogs out, like we do every night before bed and my roommate turns to me and says, "I always try to be really discrete and quiet when we come out because I swear the crazy lady below us sits and LISTENS for when we go out so she can take her dog out at the same time..."

//Just a quick recap. This women really is crazy and very strange and yells a lot and talks about weird stuff and sometimes talks your ear off about that weird stuff. It can be rather awkward and frustrating at times. Especailly when you're in a hurry//

With that said, I didn't blame my roommate at all for how she felt. I felt instantly felt the same way. No, I don't want to sit and talk to a rando about life that doesn't matter to me in the least. I don't care about her old farm and old dogs and cows she used to have to carry. I am busy. I have my own crazy crap going on. I don't even have time or energy to blog reguarly. It's late. I'm tired. I had class. I had work. I had financial aid meetings. I have a 7:30 class tomorrow. I didn't even have time for a workout today. I still need to shower. I, me, my...

You see where I'm going with this don't you. 

As all this is rushing through my brain and my frustration with the older lady below begins to rage on, I turn to my roommate and go to say something but was INSTANTLY stopped by that Still Small Voice in my heart telling me not to speak it and withdrew my thought, so thankful I didn't actually say it. Wanna know what that thought was? I thought to myself, "Yeah, it's not our responsihilty to listen to her."

Gah. It's still not any better typing. It's still so ugly. So selfish. So cold. So not like at the person I want to be.

As I stood there in awe of my own self-centeredness, wouldn't you know that old lady came around the corner with her crazy dog and loud voice, making sure she knew she was coming to join us.

I was hit with the realization that I've always known but somehow momentarily let slip; as a lover of Christ, that makes me a lover of his creations. So, YES. It is in fact my responsibilty to listen to this woman. I should care about her and her desires and passions. I should take the time to be kind to her. Instead of thinking about my own selfish issues, I should be thinking about her dying husband that has suffered 4 strokes and doesn't have long to live who also is downstairs. Or, the fact that they probably don't have company very often and get lonely daily, or the fact that I see her ride the bus a lot so she probably doesn't have a car or consistent way of transportation, and maybe the reason she listens for us to come out is because that could be the only other interaction she has with someone else all day long.

All these thoughts rushing threw my head, I made a conscious effort to stand outside with the crazy lady downstairs and really listened to her stories and let her talk as much as she wanted. Even if her stories are all far fetched lies and complete bolognese, I listened.  

Then, this morning as I woke up and began my quiet time, God decided to show off His sense of humor and send me a little reminder in a not so subtle way.

Don’t act out of selfish ambition or be conceited. Instead, humbly think of others as being better than yourselves. Don’t be concerned only about your own interests, but also be concerned about the interests of others.

Philippians 2:3-4

Yep, that was my verse this morning.

Touché, Lord. Touché.

From now on, I'm really going to try and be more observant with my actions and thoughts toward others; not be so selfish and really put forth the compassion my heavenly Father shows me every.single.day. 

Chasing Sunsets

I was on my way home from an outing with friends, completely exhausted and stuffed (it was a restaurant crawl, talk about glutenous!), when I heard one of my favorite songs.  I was in such a rush to get home that I didn't even look around to see one of the most beautiful sunsets.  And the mountains ahead of me. 

This song always makes me feel washed over by God's love.  The words are overwhelming in the best kind of way.

So the moment I got home, instead of falling in my bed like I first wanted to do, I grabbed a blanket and ran up the hill to watch the sun set over the mountains.  I tearfully thanked God for the beautiful gift he gave me, gave all of us, that night.

I cherish these moments.

Why worry?

It's been one of those "worry and stress about everything" type of weeks (month).

Even though I know God has it all covered. 

The Woman at the Well & Me

Guys, I just read the story of the woman at the well for the first time since probably late elementary school.  It was so illuminating.  Mostly because, as it turns out, I'm exactly like her.

The story is found in John 4, and here's The Message version, which is sort of funny because Jesus gets sarcastic in it.  Read it over for a refresher, and see if you have any of the same things in common with Woman At The Well as I do:

1.  We're suspicious.  When strangers talk to me, I immediately go into I-will-cut-you-if-you-come-any-closer mode.  Woman At The Well was wary right off the bat too.  Jesus said, "Would you give me a drink of water?" (His disciples had gone to the village to buy food for lunch.)  The Samaritan woman, taken aback, asked, "How come you, a Jew, are asking me, a Samaritan woman, for a drink?" (Jews in those days wouldn't be caught dead talking to Samaritans.)

2.  We're judgy.  Upon first meeting, I tend to analyze everything someone says to see if I can use my first impression skills to decide on the spot if I like them or not.  Like I said, I'm judgy.  The woman said, "Sir, you don't even have a bucket to draw with, and this well is deep. So how are you going to get this 'living water'? Are you a better man than our ancestor Jacob, who dug this well and drank from it, he and his sons and livestock, and passed it down to us?"  AKA "Who do you think you are, boo?"

3.  We have pasts we're not proud of.  When you're talking to Jesus, there's not much you can hide...

He said, "Go call your husband and then come back."

"I have no husband," she said.

"That's nicely put: 'I have no husband.' You've had five husbands, and the man you're living with now isn't even your husband. You spoke the truth there, sure enough."  <--sarcastic Jesus!

I haven't had five husbands (thank goodness), but I did go through quite a slew of boyfriends before I finally found the right one.  WATW knows all about that.  She's been burned before:  abandoned, widowed, divorced, we don't know, but we can surmise that she knows what it's like to feel the pain of heartache.  I relate, completely.  The amazing part?  Jesus knows all about it, and totally puts her in her place about it.  I wish I had met up with Him sometime between boyfriends 6 and 7 and had the same conversation.

4.  We use smarts to prove people wrong.  Okay, I'm not really proud of this about myself, but I looooove to correct people.  It's awful.  Between grammar, pop culture knowledge, and directions, my corrections come out of my mouth before I even have a chance to stop them.  WATW is cut from the same cloth. "Oh, so you're a prophet! Well, tell me this: Our ancestors worshiped God at this mountain, but you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place for worship, right?"  She totally tries to put Jesus off by letting Him know she's got the knowledge on the Jews, okay?

5.  We get excited when we see famous people.  I live in one of the greatest cities in the world for celebrity spotting.  I keep my eyes peeled for them at all times, and I've been known to stalk reality stars.  When I have a sighting, I love to brag to people.  So does WATW!  Back in the village she told the people, "Come see a man who knew all about the things I did, who knows me inside and out. Do you think this could be the Messiah?"  She immediately went back to town and told everybody who she saw.  Bragging rights, people.  You gotta claim that.  If it had existed at the time, she would have Tweeted it.

6.  We needed to hear what Jesus had to say at the well more than we knew.  Of course, the entire point of this incredible encounter in the Bible is to share what Jesus told this woman, who was by all accounts a fallen woman and an undesirable.  Jesus tells her:  "It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration."  Yep, that's the way God wants us.  As who we are.  Suspicious, judgy, slutty, smart-alecky, fame-hungry, whatever we were in the past and whatever we struggle with in the present.  It's the intention of our hearts that matters before Him.  Woman At The Well, homegirl, sister from another mister:  I feel so wholly comforted by these same words that were spoken to you.  I can bring my heart to lay down at His feet, and leave the rest at the door.  It's already been taken care of.

The Over-Committer

For as long as I can remember, making other people happy has been one of my top priorities. I cannot say exactly why or if there was a specific situation that sparked this desire, it's just always been apart of who I am. I pride myself on being someone that will do anything and everything for my friends. To say it has been one of the greatest blessings in my life, being there for those I love, would be an understatement.

On that note, this trait has definitely led to some of my most stressful and trying situations as well.
You see, I have a little trouble deciphering balance; balance between the yes's and the no's, the study time and the play time, my job and my workouts, time for friends and time for myself, eating healthy and unhealthy... You get the idea. It just all comes down to balance.
And well.. I've just never been a very good balancer {No, that's not a real word but I'm using it anyway.} Sometimes I become too involved, the situation becomes too much, and/or I try to do too much, then something or someone suffers because of my inability to do all I've committed to do.

For example, earlier this summer, a friend's bachelorrette party was being held in another state about 5 hours away from me. For nearly two months I'd planned on going to this thing. I was really looking forward to it, as this friend and I have talked about her wedding for as long as I can remember. And again, it meant so much to me to be there for her and this special time in her life. Like I said, I'm very passionate about devoting myself to my friendships.

So you can imagine the dilemma I was in when I realized I was having severe complications between attending her party and balancing all the studying for my summer classes. You see, summer school is like a 6 week boot camp of information being constantly pounded in your head over and over and over. You can't get behind. Two summer class days are equivalent to an entire week during the normal school year. It's madness.

Well, I didn't realize how bad things were going to be time/stress wise until about a week before her party... I explained my concerns to her, but still said I would attempt to be there. Come the Wednesday afternoon before the event, I knew I wasn't going to be able to make it.

I was crushed; truly felt like the worst kind of friend. Obviously because I couldn't be there but also because I had let this friend down. This wasn't like a birthday party, these things don't happen all the time. On top of that, I was supposed to carpool with another friend down there as well. So, now that's two friends I let down.

I was a mess.

During this time, a friend reminded me of a verse that has really altered my ways of thinking and I wish I would have put it into application for this situation before things escalated to this level.

"Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No';
anything beyond this comes from the evil one."- Matthew 5:37. 

Powerful stuff right there. 

Both girls were very good with their reactions to my news. However, I knew deep down I had disappointed them and complicated their situations as well.

It was then that it really hit me how much my over committing and people pleasing can truly get out of hand and it affects more than just my life, but others as well. I realized then that I needed to get real with myself.

I am a busy person. Always have been, always will be, I'm sure. I need to learn to be honest with myself. (Basically, just cut the crap and get my shiz together).
Looking back, I wish I would have told both friends, "I'm in summer school so I can't give a definite answer, but if in anyway possible I can be there, I will!" Also, I should have known better than to involved someone else in my plans because then that complicates their standing; case in point, the friend I was supposed to carpool with.

This verse is something I'm going to strive to live by more often. For all those out there that have some of the same balance struggles and over committing issues, I encourage you to attempt this along with me!

• As stated above, let your YES mean YES and your NO mean NO. 
• Aka, Just say what you mean and be honest with both others and yourself.
• Even though it's hard, try and I mean seriously try to find the BALANCE in life. 
• Decide what's important and what's not and what takes priority over what.
• REALLY think about a situation before you automatically say yes and commit to it. 
• If you commit to something, just freaking DO it. 
• When you are wrong, just admit it and don't make excuses; apologize, and try to move forward. 
• But most importantly, LEARN from it.
• You just can't do it all. And that's OK.