Wednesday, August 29, 2012

On Not Being Able to Keep My Mouth Shut

Okay, so here's the thing:  It's not like I'm spilling secrets left and right (I'm actually totally fine at secret-keeping!), but I have found myself opening my mouth and saying things I really wish I hadn't said in the past few weeks.

For instance, just yesterday:  I was talking with some female co-workers about lady stuff.  You know, like the kind of stuff you would discuss with your girlfriends, but obviously not your boss.  That is, until your boss comes around the corner just as you are bringing up something that's particularly and especially and sort of crossing-the-line female-related, and you are pretty dang sure he heard you.  Why, Valerie?!  Why?!  There are things in this world that are just better not discussed at work.

Another example:  When I try to recommend things to people like books or tv shows, I have a very hard time holding back all the juicy details.  I want to tell you everything that happens so you can understand fully the extent of the awesomeness of whatever the thing is, but I'm worried that lots of times I just ruin it instead.  There's a word for that...oh yeah, spoilers.

Or how about this one:  Last week, a co-worker of mine was saying that she went to play with the puppies at an animal shelter.  She said one of the dogs was really irritable, and her name was Bella.  My thought immediately went to Bella from Twilight, who I generally think of as the same person as Kristen Stewart, who of course is not making the best life choices at the moment, and do you know what came out of my mouth?  "She's probably mad her name is Bella."  That would be harmless enough except for the tiny little miniscule fact that my other co-worker who is sitting right next to me has a BABY NAMED BELLA.  Which crossed my mind about .000001 seconds after I had already said that out loud.

That's the main problem, actually.  My mouth acts a split second faster than my mouth does, and if only it could slow down a tiny bit and let my brain go first, I could probably prevent a lot of these things from happening!

I know this all seems rather pointless, but I guess what I'm wondering is if anyone else does crap like this?!  I'm the worst at it.  I could give many more examples.  One can only put one's foot in their mouth so many times.  I'm about at my limit of facepalms over here.


  1. I just GASPED reading the part about Bella. Unfortunate for you, but freaking hilarious for the rest of us.

    1. And I don't even have anything against the name Bella itself, I was seriously only thinking about Kristen Stewart! Ugh. It was the worst awkward pause of my life.

    2. Haha I know! Kristen Stewart bugs the crap out of me. I would probably would have said the same thing in that situation. But now I won't! Haha!

  2. you + me + bottle of wine = situations like this