Tuesday, July 10, 2012

The Over-Committer

For as long as I can remember, making other people happy has been one of my top priorities. I cannot say exactly why or if there was a specific situation that sparked this desire, it's just always been apart of who I am. I pride myself on being someone that will do anything and everything for my friends. To say it has been one of the greatest blessings in my life, being there for those I love, would be an understatement.

On that note, this trait has definitely led to some of my most stressful and trying situations as well.
You see, I have a little trouble deciphering balance; balance between the yes's and the no's, the study time and the play time, my job and my workouts, time for friends and time for myself, eating healthy and unhealthy... You get the idea. It just all comes down to balance.
And well.. I've just never been a very good balancer {No, that's not a real word but I'm using it anyway.} Sometimes I become too involved, the situation becomes too much, and/or I try to do too much, then something or someone suffers because of my inability to do all I've committed to do.

For example, earlier this summer, a friend's bachelorrette party was being held in another state about 5 hours away from me. For nearly two months I'd planned on going to this thing. I was really looking forward to it, as this friend and I have talked about her wedding for as long as I can remember. And again, it meant so much to me to be there for her and this special time in her life. Like I said, I'm very passionate about devoting myself to my friendships.

So you can imagine the dilemma I was in when I realized I was having severe complications between attending her party and balancing all the studying for my summer classes. You see, summer school is like a 6 week boot camp of information being constantly pounded in your head over and over and over. You can't get behind. Two summer class days are equivalent to an entire week during the normal school year. It's madness.

Well, I didn't realize how bad things were going to be time/stress wise until about a week before her party... I explained my concerns to her, but still said I would attempt to be there. Come the Wednesday afternoon before the event, I knew I wasn't going to be able to make it.

I was crushed; truly felt like the worst kind of friend. Obviously because I couldn't be there but also because I had let this friend down. This wasn't like a birthday party, these things don't happen all the time. On top of that, I was supposed to carpool with another friend down there as well. So, now that's two friends I let down.

I was a mess.

During this time, a friend reminded me of a verse that has really altered my ways of thinking and I wish I would have put it into application for this situation before things escalated to this level.

"Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No';
anything beyond this comes from the evil one."- Matthew 5:37. 

Powerful stuff right there. 

Both girls were very good with their reactions to my news. However, I knew deep down I had disappointed them and complicated their situations as well.

It was then that it really hit me how much my over committing and people pleasing can truly get out of hand and it affects more than just my life, but others as well. I realized then that I needed to get real with myself.

I am a busy person. Always have been, always will be, I'm sure. I need to learn to be honest with myself. (Basically, just cut the crap and get my shiz together).
Looking back, I wish I would have told both friends, "I'm in summer school so I can't give a definite answer, but if in anyway possible I can be there, I will!" Also, I should have known better than to involved someone else in my plans because then that complicates their standing; case in point, the friend I was supposed to carpool with.

This verse is something I'm going to strive to live by more often. For all those out there that have some of the same balance struggles and over committing issues, I encourage you to attempt this along with me!
  • As stated above, let your YES mean YES and your NO mean NO. 
    • Aka, Just say what you mean and be honest with both others and yourself.
  • Even though it's hard, try and I mean seriously try to find the BALANCE in life. 
    • Decide what's important and what's not and what takes priority over what.
  • REALLY think about a situation before you automatically say yes and commit to it. 
  • If you commit to something, just freaking DO it. 
  • When you are wrong, just admit it and don't make excuses; apologize, and try to move forward. 
    • But most importantly, LEARN from it.
  • You just can't do it all. And that's OK.


  1. What a great idea Ladies!!!! 4 friends blogging, I am your newest followers.

    1. D! Thank you so incredibly much :) We are all pretty proud of our little blog so your kind words are greatly appreciated and we are so thankful and happy you've joined along with us!

  2. What a great idea Ladies!!!! 4 friends blogging, I am your newest followers.

  3. Lady, I know you are probably beating yourself up more than you need to. I know both of your friends would much rather you devote time to school.

    who knows, maybe you can throw an anniversary party in the future that will be even better than the bachelorette!! :)

  4. This is a really good reminder...thanks for sharing!